Sexuality is more than who you have sex with, it is the diverse and deeply personal feelings and attractions we feel towards other people. The way i see it, whichever side you pick you’re missing out on a large chunk of the world’s pleasure and or pain if you’re the 50 shades of freaky type. Freak is not something we’re raised to embrace, regardless of whether you picked a side or a side picked you, most of our default factory settings see to it we are on one regardless of whether it fits us or not.
Gender, sex and sexuality are complex issues that society is unwilling to discuss except when perpetuating a stereotype. Kenya has recently seen its share of transgenders coming out of the woodwork, most notably Audrey Mbugua, all of whom are met with scorn. We need to be more accommodating of people’s quirks, especially when they don’t interfere with our lives. It is in people’s nature to oppose change, even more irrationally when they do not understand it, Africans however seemed cursed with a more chronic metathesiophobia than the rest of the world. Whether your concerns are cultural or moral, they are not important enough to get in the way of others’ happiness. If Audrey is at 100% fulfilment in a dress, why force her to be Andrew because of your comfort?
Labels both politically correct and derogatory ones do little to define something complex as human sexuality which goes beyond straight, gay and bisexual. Unless you are 100% certain that you are 100% straight, gay, queer or whichever label currently attached to your persona, it only serves to keep you confined and possibly unhappy. It is okay to let yourself feel freely for whomever awakens your spirit and ignites your passions without picking a word for it. I personally refuse to label my sexuality because of the liberating nature of having infinite possible partners. Walking into a room and not seeing men or women but people, amongst them one I could love and would love me back gives an intoxicating rush. I maybe biased against men, but I still grant them an equal chance to fuck up, like a would a captivating lady.
People’s sexualities differ as much as their personalities for a vast number of reasons. Even scientists cannot pin down factors determining our sexuality and have forwarded a number of theories including genetic pre-determination, attitudes, beliefs, experiences, societal expectations, childhood influences and peer pressure. So complex is sexuality, we can’t even figure out whether we pick our sexuality or our sexuality picks us. Sexuality is fully formed by late teens and seems to be a gamble based on the millions of factors that fundamentally make us who we are. Sexuality usually resists any attempts to deny or alter it by imposing depression and esteem issues on anyone less than totally accepting of their sexuality.
Gender is not a defining factor in relationships and often someone’s gender is more complex than their appearance and set of concealed genitals. Many a straight person have gotten into relationships with people who appear classically male or female but turn out to be way deeper. People married for years find desires buried deep into the subconscious bubble to the surface ruining the ‘normal’ marital bliss. Even worse are people who ignored their lingering feelings or dismissed them as lustful temptations and indulge them while staying closeted.
Granted in Africa, it is not always easy or in your best interests to come out, you need to be genuine with yourself at the very least. Youth is the time for experimentation (within the safety limits) to find your true self and few things done then are permanent. You do not need to feel obliged to announce a sexual label to the world especially if you’re too frail to handle the judgement. For the curious, if I were to pick a label gun to my head, I’d say I’m a sapiosexual bisexual lesbian, lemme see you come up with one judgemental label for that!
Labels defining sexuality
Heterosexual (Straight) – Person attracted to members of the opposite sex usually those complying with the typical gender stereotypes.
Homosexual (Gay) – Person attracted towards members of the same sex
Bisexual – Person attracted to members of both sexes
Asexual – Person lacking attraction of a sexual nature towards others
Polysexual – Person attracted sexually to more than one gender; unlike bisexual which assumes only two sexes based on gender stereotypes
Pansexual – Person universally attracted to all people regardless of gender.