The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her

So true. It is sad that ladies settle for so little.

Miss T. N. king

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing.

I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to…

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Dear Marijuana

I never thought I’d see this day, but I need to stop seeing you for a while. First let me assure you that though it may sound cliche, it’s not you it’s me. You have every right to hate me. I’m the reason we can’t be together anymore. The least I owe you is an explanation.
I got careless and disapproving people found out about us. It shames me more than I can say to bend to the will of these judgmental third parties who think I ought to be ashamed of you. I’m not. At the mention of your name, they get a somber (for the ‘concerned’) or scandalized (for the judgmental). I’ve thought it through and if I attempted to defend you…. They’d think I had gone crazy and check me into a facility(rehab/mental). They don’t know you like I do. I’ll always love you albeit from a distance.
I’ll spend my time away from you building myself and my empire to prove myself to a level where people shall be wise enough to keep their opinions. Apparently when I’m with you I have no time for anyone or anything else. I think they’re just jealous. When we meet again you just may not recognize me, our reunion will be on the beaches of California or streets of Amsterdam where no one will look at us funny for PDA.
In the meantime I know you know I love you and you are irreplaceable to me if it was up to me we’d never part. I have to say it anyway because cowardice which made me not stand up for you makes me incredibly guilty. I hope you can forgive me and remember me fondly as I will you.

10 Things I’ll Miss About You.
1.You
You’ve shown and taught me so much since the day we met, I don’t know where to begin. You helped me leash my Wild&Impulsive side and flammable temper that escalated situations and got me into trouble. Now I always appear Cool, Calm and Collected and choose and fight my battles wisely.
You are the the catalyst for my creativity and enable me to get out of my own way and write without criticizing myself.  I honestly haven’t figured out to do this part without you.

2.Stoner Community
I met so many people I’d never have known otherwise. Different as night and day and in most cases united only by you. A good number of them will never forgive me for betraying you but with time they’ll accept me since #StonersAreNotLoners.

3. That First Puff
If you’ve met my Lady MaryJane then you definitely know what I’m talking about. That first puff that fires you up before you can even judge the quality of the bud and decide if #JahBless the farmer(for good stuff).

4. The High
You experience everything afresh the first time you get high right. Everything is better. The sound of music, taste of food, the wind in your face, the graphics on a video game… Everything.

5. Stoner Sex
The thought is enough to make me tingly in my fun parts. Seriously get enough high grade in me and I can go all night or evening if it was a 4.20 affair.

6. Marijuana Moments
You haven’t heard or seen anything stoopid unless you’ve hang out with stoners. You never what will be said or done next as everyone’s Marijuana moment shows them some different.

7. Team Munchies
Emerging from the den and destroying  your way through whatever food is unfortunate enough to stand in your way.

8. Agents/Pedis
Of all peddlers only kush agents can get high on their supply(and customers) happily and without fear. You get into their crib ivi and they start telling you vile hii ni ya wazito… If you express any doubt anakuchoma on the spot. Get high, company comes by, times fly and you emerge higher than a kite on a windy day swearing next time to take his word for it.

9. Rooftops
Countless rooftops visited, amazing views. We can all be pilots with you, on a rooftop only your imagination limits how high we fly.

10. Accessories/4.20ism
Being part is the #legalizeit movement around the world and standing proud using small accessories. Key chains, T-shirts, tattoos, posters, graffiti, jewelry etcetera 

Help a baby blogger out and share!

Dear Marijuana

I never thought I’d see this day, but I need to stop seeing you for a while. First let me assure you that though it may sound cliche, it’s not you it’s me. You have every right to hate me. I’m the reason we can’t be together anymore. The least I owe you is an explanation.
I got careless and disapproving people found out about us. It shames me more than I can say to bend to the will of these judgmental third parties who think I ought to be ashamed of you. I’m not. At the mention of your name, they get a somber (for the ‘concerned’) or scandalized (for the judgmental). I’ve thought it through and if I attempted to defend you…. They’d think I had gone crazy and check me into a facility(rehab/mental). They don’t know you like I do. I’ll always love you albeit from a distance.
I’ll spend my time away from you building myself and my empire to prove myself to a level where people shall be wise enough to keep their opinions. Apparently when I’m with you I have no time for anyone or anything else. I think they’re just jealous. When we meet again you just may not recognize me, our reunion will be on the beaches of California or streets of Amsterdam where no one will look at us funny for PDA.
In the meantime I know you know I love you and you are irreplaceable to me if it was up to me we’d never part. I have to say it anyway because cowardice which made me not stand up for you makes me incredibly guilty. I hope you can forgive me and remember me fondly as I will you.

10 Things I’ll Miss About You.
1.You
You’ve shown and taught me so much since the day we met, I don’t know where to begin. You helped me leash my Wild&Impulsive side and flammable temper that escalated situations and got me into trouble. Now I always appear Cool, Calm and Collected and choose and fight my battles wisely.
You are the the catalyst for my creativity and enable me to get out of my own way and write without criticizing myself.  I honestly haven’t figured out to do this part without you.

2.Stoner Community
I met so many people I’d never have known otherwise. Different as night and day and in most cases united only by you. A good number of them will never forgive me for betraying you but with time they’ll accept me since #StonersAreNotLoners.

3. That First Puff
If you’ve met my Lady MaryJane then you definitely know what I’m talking about. That first puff that fires you up before you can even judge the quality of the bud and decide if #JahBless the farmer(for good stuff).

4. The High
You experience everything afresh the first time you get high right. Everything is better. The sound of music, taste of food, the wind in your face, the graphics on a video game… Everything.

5. Stoner Sex
The thought is enough to make me tingly in my fun parts. Seriously get enough high grade in me and I can go all night or evening if it was a 4.20 affair.

6. Marijuana Moments
You haven’t heard or seen anything stoopid unless you’ve hang out with stoners. You never what will be said or done next as everyone’s Marijuana moment shows them some different.

7. Team Munchies
Emerging from the den and destroying  your way through whatever food is unfortunate enough to stand in your way.

8. Agents/Pedis
Of all peddlers only kush agents can get high on their supply(and customers) happily and without fear. You get into their crib ivi and they start telling you vile hii ni ya wazito… If you express any doubt anakuchoma on the spot. Get high, company comes by, times fly and you emerge higher than a kite on a windy day swearing next time to take his word for it.

9. Rooftops
Countless rooftops visited, amazing views. We can all be pilots with you, on a rooftop only your imagination limits how high we fly.

10. Accessories/4.20ism
Being part is the #legalizeit movement around the world and standing proud using small accessories. Key chains, T-shirts, tattoos, posters, graffiti, jewelry etcetera 

Help a baby blogger out and share!

Ego

The most common definition of ego going around is, the opinion you have of yourself. While this is not incorrect, it’s not strictly accurate. Nonetheless everything you do or don’t do is pegged on your ego. Given it affects all aspects of life, I thought it was time I found out more.

Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche describe three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction our mental life is described, ‘id’ , ‘ego’ and superego.

‘Id’

The id(Latin for it) is the only part of our personality present from birth. It contains human basic and instinctual drives and is the source of our bodily needs, desires and impulses. Particularly aggressive and sexual drives(libido) the primary source of instinctual force that is unresponsive to the demands of reality and act according to the pleasure principle.

‘Ego’

The ego(Latin for I) is the organized part of the personality structure that includes defensive, perceptual, intellectual-cognitive, and executive functions. Originally, Freud used the word ego to mean a sense of self, but later revised it to mean a set of psychic functions such as judgment, tolerance, reality testing, control, planning, defense, synthesis of information, intellectual functioning, and memory. Its task is to find a balance between primitive drives and reality while satisfying the id and super-ego.

‘Superego’

The superego( From German uber-ich) reflects the internalization of cultural rules, mainly taught by parents applying their guidance and influence.  It forms the organized part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious, that includes the individual’s ego ideals, spiritual goals, and the psychic agency (commonly called “conscience”) that criticizes and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. The super-ego aims for perfection and works in contradiction to the id.

Phewks! Now that we are done with the technical bit, back to what I had to say. So turns out, we all have a backbencher(id), middle row(ego) and prefect(Superego) in us and they all want different things. The id is our we-aint-nothing-but-mammals part, driven by desires and impulses with no reservation about right or wrong. It is not bothered with morality only the tendency to seek immediate gratification of any impulse. It is up to the ego to reconcile the demands of the id with reality. The reality principle that operates the ego is a regulating mechanism that enables the individual to delay gratifying immediate needs and function effectively in the real world. The ego represents what may be called reason and common sense, in contrast to the id, which contains the passions. The ego has unenviable task of finding a balance between primitive drives and reality while satisfying the id and super-ego. It has to do its best to suit all three(plus the outside world), thus is constantly feeling hemmed by the danger of causing discontent on two other sides. It is said, however, that the ego seems to be more loyal to the id, preferring to gloss over the finer details of reality to minimize conflicts while pretending to have a regard for reality. The super-ego is constantly watching every one of the ego’s moves and punishes it with feelings of guilt, anxiety and inferiority. It seems like there just is no way for a girl to win 😦 The ego however after being stuck in a perpetual war has developed a few moves.

To overcome this the ego employs defense mechanisms. The defense mechanisms are not done so directly or consciously. They lessen the tension by covering up our impulses that are threatening. Ego defense mechanisms are often used by the ego when id behavior conflicts with reality and either society’s morals, norms, and taboos or the individual’s expectations as a result of the internalization of these morals, norms, and their taboos. Denial, displacement, intellectualisation, fantasy, compensation, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression and sublimation were the defense mechanisms Freud identified. I shall spare you the lecture on these defense mechanisms.

The ego is trickiest part of our psyche as it often tricks us into thinking it(we) has everything under control. We often get in our own way and are too arrogant to realize it. For some, we lack mastery of our lives and often wait for others(God, relatives,friends, lovers) to come save us. Whether you are suffering from an inflated or deflated ego, balance key. Just like salt you have to get it just right. If you walk around like the sun shines out of your rear end, considering yourself God’s gift to the world, take sometime to see what you’ve actually contributed. Who would truly feel your absence if you were gone?

Finally, to those of us who are doormat-ish letting others walk all over us, thinking we are not good enough and the other crippling insecurities that at times plague the best of us, do not give in. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people who you can confide in and trust to provide comfort and guidance. Ego is your constant companion and learning to wield it to your advantage will greatly improve your social interactions and mental resolve. Good day everyone!

Strength of a Woman

I find it amusing that one of the attributes of a ‘wife-able’ lady is staying strong and loyal to your man, even when he puts you through hell. Hell varies from man-whore, man-child(mama’s boy), pro-dreamers(read losers) and worst pretenders(abusers). I hear rappers talking about mami stood by me, and ask myself, why? If you are not married he is not your man. Ata kama una nguvu ya Mnyeri na loyalty ya Mganda
THE MANWHORE

image
If he a whore... Its time to walk out that door.

He perpetually suffers from whiplash, you recently got tired of elbowing his ribs whenever the lazy eye publicly roams. Your girlfriends used to constantly update you on his misadventures, at first you thought ni wivu. After all not many can land a Beau like yours. That small nagging voice in your head led you to keep closer tabs.  You unearthed the ‘Clande’ and her shameless thwack ass put back in it’s ratchet place. A lengthy talk(wink wink) with your Beau had you feeling all better before your now trained eye picks out traces of yet another. You weren’t even looking! Now you wish all he did was gawk. You sniff out the Jezebel and this time bring along your girlfriends to ensure the lesson sticks before exposing her on social media. Afterward you go out with the girls, who insist you should leave him and suggest finer bachelors worthier of your attentions. After all they don’t even know what you saw in him. You build your resolve to move on before a dramatically romantic  gesture, solemn vows and lengthy… ahem talks convince you otherwise. This time it will be different. Right? Wrong! After the first two times, the third finds you already a fool. How long your stupidity will last depends on a couple of variables.
The worst thing about being cheated on is what’s wrong with me? Deny it or not. We always feel insufficient when a guy cheats. It’s unfair since we are awesome. If he absolutely can’t recognize that you are more than enough, it probably time you moved on.
THE MAN CHILD ; PRO DREAMERS
I have no beef with these two, since they are relatively harmless and generally don’t make a sista feel like she ain’t shit. Beware of the pro dreamer and do not invest in his schemes though.

My only other beef is with pretenders/abusers. I’ll handle that pit of vipers later in part 2(#CrapMenSay). Until then I’m confident you can find a better investment for your time and assets than these types. Don’t buy deficient goods in hopes of repairing or making it work.

Help a baby blogger out and share!

New to WordPress? Blogging 101 starts on January 5.

The Daily Post

If you’re new to blogging, a new session of our introductory blogging course starts on Monday, January 5 — and all bloggers are welcome, whether you blog on WordPress.com, a self-hosted WordPress blog, or somewhere else entirely.

What is Blogging 101? Four weeks of daily bite-size blogging assignments that take you from “Blog?” to “Blog!” along with a supportive community to encourage you all the way through. At the end of the course, you’ll have a blog you’re proud and excited to publish — and that others are excited to read. Here’s how it works:

If any other baby bloggsters are as nervous about this as I was, I have only one thing to say – go for it! My site is looking more and more how I want it to look and I am gaining confidence and followers (up to 423!) by the day.
– Sue of Happiness, Health, and Hypnosis

  • And you'll get a badge! Who doesn't love a badge? And you’ll…

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Hello Blogosphere!

This is my first blog post. I realize I am a late blog-bloomer but, albeit weak, I have my reasons. First I’m that kinda writer who is hesitant about sharing my work(I know that sounds like every writer). Don’t get me wrong, I have complete confidence in the quality of my writing and constructive feedback is welcome. It’s more a censorship issue than performance anxiety. Should the toxic thoughts running around my head be let lose? As the keeper of the gates, I have for the longest thought not.  *still not sure* Second was the complex unwritten rules governing the blogosphere and all of its charmed population…. Kindly forgive a newbie for sometime as she gets footing. Third and last was I didn’t know if y’all would like me 😦

So what’s changed? Someone recently broke into my college hostel and relieved me of my laptop; with it everything I had ever written. Every single unpublished manuscript… Thousands and thousands of words just poof???! My PC was backed up on the same hard disk, I know it’s stupid (don’t judge me) I already  realized I needed to publish. Have something tangible the next time someone makes off with my hard disk. It was just the wake up call I needed, so here I am. I also set new deadlines for my book, but that’s a different story.
that KindaGirl will not be restricted to one area, consider it my outlet (I have a lot to vent on) Welcome to future posts. I guess I’m that kinda girl who needed a little push. And whatever it is you’ve been putting off get around to it.
The lethargy that characterizes procrastination makes it like a cancer, fast spreading and only beaten with aggressive treatment