The One That Got Away

It’s that time of year when being single is akin to leprosy. I convince myself that you don’t being alone doesn’t depress me. I’m better of alone than dealing with someone else’s bullshit right? Then I think of that person, with whom I was better off than alone.That person who pierced my self sufficient world, and got me hooked; I loved it all – bullshit inclusive.

I never had a problem enjoying my own company but your intrusion into my world derailed me. I tried to convince myself that I was not growing reliant on you, waiting more eagerly for next time than I did the last. I denied enjoying the late nights lying silently on your chest, all spent after a sweaty fuck. I tried so hard not fall asleep, so I could remember you petting me the next day… Your petting always put me to sleep fast but not faster than the thoughts of the next day that swirled in my head, spitting on my temporary bliss.

The next day when we’d put on a show for our close friends who would never really understand the depths of our forbidden passions. At least that’s what i told myself, a small part of wondered if it was because you were ashamed of me. I scold myself for being ridiculous, I know you’re not secretly enjoying my partial surrender and pushing my limits until I had no more to offer, before casting me aside. I know it because, I feel it in the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking. Better yet, I know the craving hungry look you cast my direction when you want me. How a wordless glance wets my panties I don’t understand…

You always got to watch me sleep, but I always got to watch you wake. I usually spared cheery thoughts for the early morning. I’d smoke a joint and while watching you sleep, taking you in before you got that casual-dismissive guard back up. What a magnificent thing to see you disarmed. At peace without the trademark half-scowl that lingered beneath you curt smile, as if daring anyone to displease. I’d muse how your mouth’s natural soft curve better complimented your handsome face. I wished you’d wear it more. It made me dream of impossible things for us.

At that point, I’d pad of silently to the kitchen to whip up breakfast high on impotent dreams, Rihanna on my headphones and that stuff you don’t like me smoking. I’d frown at the tell tale musky smell betraying my guilt but smile on at my own genius on realizing that the fresh coffee, toast, bacon and sausages would provide cover. I gorge myself, slowly feeling the energy you so expertly drained from me seep back. Sated, I’d take a hot shower before creeping back into bed, feeling ready to wake you up and unleash my revenge on you. Yes, just like you ruled my nights, I’m certain I made your mornings.

After wearing you out, I’d secretly enjoy watching you wolf down my breakfast, because you taught me I could be that kind a of girl. Only you didn’t deserve it. You gave me plenty but it wasn’t enough, maybe I was greedy or it’s my impossibly high standards plotting for me to die alone. Truth is, I had never a lover like you, a lover who consumed me wholly, saw me do things I got flustered me if i thought of them in the light of day. Despite your cocky assurances otherwise, I’m convinced you can’t be the only one able unlock my inhibitions. I’m convinced that I will find another equal if not superior.

 

 

Blood, Sweat and Tears: Africa’s Doomed Vicious Cycle

ristozetu

“As large parts of the world age, Africa grows younger by the day! The youthful sons of daughters and Africa are our incredible resource and are reaching out for a new future.” These are the inspiring words of Kenya’s president, Uhuru Kenyatta, during the Global Entreprenuership Summit 2015. Africa’s youth is unarguably a great resource, the younger you reach into the youth. the grander their dreams for our continent. Are we however truly reaching out for a new better future, or merely dreaming of one?

Before ‘civilization’ brightened our dark continent, there was no such thing as a rich ruler whose subjects were poor, closest we had to taxes was tribute, we had no stark social castes; even the poorest man had a roof over his head and negative ethnicity was unheard of as even inter-tribe raids were a socioeconomic activity (not brewed hatred). Along came the colonialists armed with…

View original post 449 more words

What to do when drugs steal your loved one.

Source: What to do when drugs steal your loved one.

 

It is saddening to watch anyone struggle with substance addiction, when that person is also a family member; the situation often becomes agonizingly complicated. Peter Omondi, a clinical psychologist rids families of the ignorance that prevents them from dealing with the situation in a responsible and healthy way.

“Addiction is a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences. These stimuli increase the probability of repeating a particular behavior and over time tolerance towards the stimuli develops. Tolerance is the diminishing in effect if a drug due to continuous administration and it leads to dependence. Dependence is an addictive state associated with withdrawal symptoms upon sensation of repeated exposure to a stimuli or the drug intake. Addicts are people who have developed a desire to self medicate in attempt to regulate and control a troubled and turbulent inner world through their drug of choice.” Mr. Omondi explains some of the common terms used in regard.

Family often means well, but their interventions in many situations are misinterpreted for being judgmental, nosy or plain annoying. Mr. Omondi, who works at the Asumbi Treatment Centre, acknowledges that addicts are cunning emotional minefields and advices family on how to navigate without tiptoeing around the issue.

How to Lose Weight for Lazy Girls (No gym, No Diet)

Truth being told, few ladies can claim to enjoy going to the gym. Membership fee aside, you get all sweaty, ruin your hair, test your esteem against the fitness freaks and lug around a gym bag. Good news is that you don’t need the gym to healthily shed a few pounds.

Keep healthy eating habits, do not starve yourself. Try to eat your meals at the same time every day to get your body into a routine. Eat a healthy breakfast rich in protein and fibrous foods (fruits). Have an early supper preferably three hours before bed. Make sure you get at least seven hours of sleep as tired people mistake lack of energy for hunger and eat more.

Add a few steps to your day. Don’t go round in circles looking for an open parking spot opposite the office, instead purposefully find a safe distant location and take a little walk. Give the elevator a break, take the stairs every once in a while, especially if you’re going no higher than the fifth floor and have nothing else but yourself to carry.

Don’t drink calories. Soda, juice concentrates, alcohol and energy drinks are a big reason most fitness routines fail. Always start every meal with a glass of water. Not only do you stay hydrated, but also you tend to eat smaller portions. If you find water bland try tricking your taste buds by throwing a lemon slice into your water bottle.

Master the art of healthy snacking. Snacking accounts for most of the calories we shove into our bodies. Declare a war on fast foods and processed foods. Snack on fruits/fruit juice, nuts, yoghurt or something you have cooked yourself e.g. sandwiches which is definitely better than anything you eat from a box.

Get a healthy hobby such as swimming, cycling or dancing. Dancing is easier since all it takes is some music, space and yourself. Half an hour of dancing will burn 280 calories and help you brush up on your moves for that girls’ night out. While sex is not technically a hobby, it gets an honorable mention for all the calories it helps burn while reducing stress and improving your relationship.

Have fun keeping healthy and losing weight one step at a time, the lazy way. Be brave because next time, we discuss cutting your sugar(ice cream, chocolate, wine etc (everything that makes a hard day better)

Fairytales Of Slavery: Societal Distinctions, Technoshamanism, and Nonhuman Personhood

afutureworththinkingabout

“How long have you been lost down here?
How did you come to lose your way?
When did you realize
That you’d never be free?”
–Miranda Sex Garden, “A Fairytale About Slavery”

One of the things I’ve been thinking about, lately, is the politicization of certain spaces within philosophy of mind, sociology, magic, and popular culture, specifically science fiction/fantasy. CHAPPiE comes out on Friday in the US, and Avengers: Age of Ultron in May, and while both of these films promise to be relatively unique explorations of the age-old story of what happens when humans create machine minds, I still find myself hoping for something a little… different. A little over a year ago, i made the declaration that the term to watch for the next little while thereafter was “Afrofuturism,” the reclaimed name for the anti-colonial current of science fiction and pop media as created by…

View original post 3,217 more words

The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her

So true. It is sad that ladies settle for so little.

Miss T. N. king

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing.

I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to…

View original post 1,448 more words

Dear Marijuana

I never thought I’d see this day, but I need to stop seeing you for a while. First let me assure you that though it may sound cliche, it’s not you it’s me. You have every right to hate me. I’m the reason we can’t be together anymore. The least I owe you is an explanation.
I got careless and disapproving people found out about us. It shames me more than I can say to bend to the will of these judgmental third parties who think I ought to be ashamed of you. I’m not. At the mention of your name, they get a somber (for the ‘concerned’) or scandalized (for the judgmental). I’ve thought it through and if I attempted to defend you…. They’d think I had gone crazy and check me into a facility(rehab/mental). They don’t know you like I do. I’ll always love you albeit from a distance.
I’ll spend my time away from you building myself and my empire to prove myself to a level where people shall be wise enough to keep their opinions. Apparently when I’m with you I have no time for anyone or anything else. I think they’re just jealous. When we meet again you just may not recognize me, our reunion will be on the beaches of California or streets of Amsterdam where no one will look at us funny for PDA.
In the meantime I know you know I love you and you are irreplaceable to me if it was up to me we’d never part. I have to say it anyway because cowardice which made me not stand up for you makes me incredibly guilty. I hope you can forgive me and remember me fondly as I will you.

10 Things I’ll Miss About You.
1.You
You’ve shown and taught me so much since the day we met, I don’t know where to begin. You helped me leash my Wild&Impulsive side and flammable temper that escalated situations and got me into trouble. Now I always appear Cool, Calm and Collected and choose and fight my battles wisely.
You are the the catalyst for my creativity and enable me to get out of my own way and write without criticizing myself.  I honestly haven’t figured out to do this part without you.

2.Stoner Community
I met so many people I’d never have known otherwise. Different as night and day and in most cases united only by you. A good number of them will never forgive me for betraying you but with time they’ll accept me since #StonersAreNotLoners.

3. That First Puff
If you’ve met my Lady MaryJane then you definitely know what I’m talking about. That first puff that fires you up before you can even judge the quality of the bud and decide if #JahBless the farmer(for good stuff).

4. The High
You experience everything afresh the first time you get high right. Everything is better. The sound of music, taste of food, the wind in your face, the graphics on a video game… Everything.

5. Stoner Sex
The thought is enough to make me tingly in my fun parts. Seriously get enough high grade in me and I can go all night or evening if it was a 4.20 affair.

6. Marijuana Moments
You haven’t heard or seen anything stoopid unless you’ve hang out with stoners. You never what will be said or done next as everyone’s Marijuana moment shows them some different.

7. Team Munchies
Emerging from the den and destroying  your way through whatever food is unfortunate enough to stand in your way.

8. Agents/Pedis
Of all peddlers only kush agents can get high on their supply(and customers) happily and without fear. You get into their crib ivi and they start telling you vile hii ni ya wazito… If you express any doubt anakuchoma on the spot. Get high, company comes by, times fly and you emerge higher than a kite on a windy day swearing next time to take his word for it.

9. Rooftops
Countless rooftops visited, amazing views. We can all be pilots with you, on a rooftop only your imagination limits how high we fly.

10. Accessories/4.20ism
Being part is the #legalizeit movement around the world and standing proud using small accessories. Key chains, T-shirts, tattoos, posters, graffiti, jewelry etcetera 

Help a baby blogger out and share!

Dear Marijuana

I never thought I’d see this day, but I need to stop seeing you for a while. First let me assure you that though it may sound cliche, it’s not you it’s me. You have every right to hate me. I’m the reason we can’t be together anymore. The least I owe you is an explanation.
I got careless and disapproving people found out about us. It shames me more than I can say to bend to the will of these judgmental third parties who think I ought to be ashamed of you. I’m not. At the mention of your name, they get a somber (for the ‘concerned’) or scandalized (for the judgmental). I’ve thought it through and if I attempted to defend you…. They’d think I had gone crazy and check me into a facility(rehab/mental). They don’t know you like I do. I’ll always love you albeit from a distance.
I’ll spend my time away from you building myself and my empire to prove myself to a level where people shall be wise enough to keep their opinions. Apparently when I’m with you I have no time for anyone or anything else. I think they’re just jealous. When we meet again you just may not recognize me, our reunion will be on the beaches of California or streets of Amsterdam where no one will look at us funny for PDA.
In the meantime I know you know I love you and you are irreplaceable to me if it was up to me we’d never part. I have to say it anyway because cowardice which made me not stand up for you makes me incredibly guilty. I hope you can forgive me and remember me fondly as I will you.

10 Things I’ll Miss About You.
1.You
You’ve shown and taught me so much since the day we met, I don’t know where to begin. You helped me leash my Wild&Impulsive side and flammable temper that escalated situations and got me into trouble. Now I always appear Cool, Calm and Collected and choose and fight my battles wisely.
You are the the catalyst for my creativity and enable me to get out of my own way and write without criticizing myself.  I honestly haven’t figured out to do this part without you.

2.Stoner Community
I met so many people I’d never have known otherwise. Different as night and day and in most cases united only by you. A good number of them will never forgive me for betraying you but with time they’ll accept me since #StonersAreNotLoners.

3. That First Puff
If you’ve met my Lady MaryJane then you definitely know what I’m talking about. That first puff that fires you up before you can even judge the quality of the bud and decide if #JahBless the farmer(for good stuff).

4. The High
You experience everything afresh the first time you get high right. Everything is better. The sound of music, taste of food, the wind in your face, the graphics on a video game… Everything.

5. Stoner Sex
The thought is enough to make me tingly in my fun parts. Seriously get enough high grade in me and I can go all night or evening if it was a 4.20 affair.

6. Marijuana Moments
You haven’t heard or seen anything stoopid unless you’ve hang out with stoners. You never what will be said or done next as everyone’s Marijuana moment shows them some different.

7. Team Munchies
Emerging from the den and destroying  your way through whatever food is unfortunate enough to stand in your way.

8. Agents/Pedis
Of all peddlers only kush agents can get high on their supply(and customers) happily and without fear. You get into their crib ivi and they start telling you vile hii ni ya wazito… If you express any doubt anakuchoma on the spot. Get high, company comes by, times fly and you emerge higher than a kite on a windy day swearing next time to take his word for it.

9. Rooftops
Countless rooftops visited, amazing views. We can all be pilots with you, on a rooftop only your imagination limits how high we fly.

10. Accessories/4.20ism
Being part is the #legalizeit movement around the world and standing proud using small accessories. Key chains, T-shirts, tattoos, posters, graffiti, jewelry etcetera 

Help a baby blogger out and share!

Ego

The most common definition of ego going around is, the opinion you have of yourself. While this is not incorrect, it’s not strictly accurate. Nonetheless everything you do or don’t do is pegged on your ego. Given it affects all aspects of life, I thought it was time I found out more.

Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche describe three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction our mental life is described, ‘id’ , ‘ego’ and superego.

‘Id’

The id(Latin for it) is the only part of our personality present from birth. It contains human basic and instinctual drives and is the source of our bodily needs, desires and impulses. Particularly aggressive and sexual drives(libido) the primary source of instinctual force that is unresponsive to the demands of reality and act according to the pleasure principle.

‘Ego’

The ego(Latin for I) is the organized part of the personality structure that includes defensive, perceptual, intellectual-cognitive, and executive functions. Originally, Freud used the word ego to mean a sense of self, but later revised it to mean a set of psychic functions such as judgment, tolerance, reality testing, control, planning, defense, synthesis of information, intellectual functioning, and memory. Its task is to find a balance between primitive drives and reality while satisfying the id and super-ego.

‘Superego’

The superego( From German uber-ich) reflects the internalization of cultural rules, mainly taught by parents applying their guidance and influence.  It forms the organized part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious, that includes the individual’s ego ideals, spiritual goals, and the psychic agency (commonly called “conscience”) that criticizes and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. The super-ego aims for perfection and works in contradiction to the id.

Phewks! Now that we are done with the technical bit, back to what I had to say. So turns out, we all have a backbencher(id), middle row(ego) and prefect(Superego) in us and they all want different things. The id is our we-aint-nothing-but-mammals part, driven by desires and impulses with no reservation about right or wrong. It is not bothered with morality only the tendency to seek immediate gratification of any impulse. It is up to the ego to reconcile the demands of the id with reality. The reality principle that operates the ego is a regulating mechanism that enables the individual to delay gratifying immediate needs and function effectively in the real world. The ego represents what may be called reason and common sense, in contrast to the id, which contains the passions. The ego has unenviable task of finding a balance between primitive drives and reality while satisfying the id and super-ego. It has to do its best to suit all three(plus the outside world), thus is constantly feeling hemmed by the danger of causing discontent on two other sides. It is said, however, that the ego seems to be more loyal to the id, preferring to gloss over the finer details of reality to minimize conflicts while pretending to have a regard for reality. The super-ego is constantly watching every one of the ego’s moves and punishes it with feelings of guilt, anxiety and inferiority. It seems like there just is no way for a girl to win 😦 The ego however after being stuck in a perpetual war has developed a few moves.

To overcome this the ego employs defense mechanisms. The defense mechanisms are not done so directly or consciously. They lessen the tension by covering up our impulses that are threatening. Ego defense mechanisms are often used by the ego when id behavior conflicts with reality and either society’s morals, norms, and taboos or the individual’s expectations as a result of the internalization of these morals, norms, and their taboos. Denial, displacement, intellectualisation, fantasy, compensation, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression and sublimation were the defense mechanisms Freud identified. I shall spare you the lecture on these defense mechanisms.

The ego is trickiest part of our psyche as it often tricks us into thinking it(we) has everything under control. We often get in our own way and are too arrogant to realize it. For some, we lack mastery of our lives and often wait for others(God, relatives,friends, lovers) to come save us. Whether you are suffering from an inflated or deflated ego, balance key. Just like salt you have to get it just right. If you walk around like the sun shines out of your rear end, considering yourself God’s gift to the world, take sometime to see what you’ve actually contributed. Who would truly feel your absence if you were gone?

Finally, to those of us who are doormat-ish letting others walk all over us, thinking we are not good enough and the other crippling insecurities that at times plague the best of us, do not give in. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people who you can confide in and trust to provide comfort and guidance. Ego is your constant companion and learning to wield it to your advantage will greatly improve your social interactions and mental resolve. Good day everyone!