Sexuality

Sexuality is more than who you have sex with, it is the diverse and deeply personal feelings and attractions we feel towards other people. The way i see it, whichever side you pick you’re missing out on a large chunk of the world’s pleasure and or pain if you’re the 50 shades of freaky type. Freak is not something we’re raised to embrace, regardless of whether you picked a side or a side picked you, most of our default factory settings see to it we are on one regardless of whether it fits us or not.

Gender, sex and sexuality are complex issues that society is unwilling to discuss except when perpetuating a stereotype. Kenya has recently seen its share of transgenders coming out of the woodwork, most notably Audrey Mbugua, all of whom are met with scorn. We need to be more accommodating of people’s quirks, especially when they don’t interfere with our lives. It is in people’s nature to oppose change, even more irrationally when they do not understand it, Africans however seemed cursed with a more chronic metathesiophobia than the rest of the world. Whether your concerns are cultural or moral, they are not important enough to get in the way of others’ happiness. If Audrey is at 100% fulfilment in a dress, why force her to be Andrew because of your comfort?

Labels

Labels both politically correct and derogatory ones do little to define something complex as human sexuality which goes beyond straight, gay and bisexual. Unless you are 100% certain that you are 100% straight, gay, queer or whichever label currently attached to your persona, it only serves to keep you confined and possibly unhappy. It is okay to let yourself feel freely for whomever awakens your spirit and ignites your passions without picking a word for it. I personally refuse to label my sexuality because of the liberating nature of having infinite possible partners. Walking into a room and not seeing men or women but people, amongst them one I could love and would love me back gives an intoxicating rush. I maybe biased against men, but I still grant them an equal chance to fuck up, like a would a captivating lady.

Different colours 

People’s sexualities differ as much as their personalities for a vast number of reasons. Even scientists cannot pin down factors determining our sexuality and have forwarded a number of theories including genetic pre-determination, attitudes, beliefs, experiences, societal expectations, childhood influences and peer pressure. So complex is sexuality, we can’t even figure out whether we pick our sexuality or our sexuality picks us. Sexuality is fully formed by late teens and seems to be a gamble based on the millions of factors that fundamentally make us who we are. Sexuality usually resists any attempts to deny or alter it by imposing depression and esteem issues on anyone less than totally accepting of their sexuality.

Relationships

Gender is not a defining factor in relationships and often someone’s gender is more complex than their appearance and set of concealed genitals. Many a straight person have gotten into relationships with people who appear classically male or female but turn out to be way deeper. People married for years find desires buried deep into the subconscious bubble to the surface ruining the ‘normal’ marital bliss. Even worse are people who ignored their lingering feelings or dismissed them as lustful temptations and indulge them while staying closeted.

Granted in Africa, it is not always easy or in your best interests to come out, you need to be genuine with yourself at the very least. Youth is the time for experimentation (within the safety limits) to find your true self and few things done then are permanent. You do not need to feel obliged to announce a sexual label to the world especially if you’re too frail to handle the judgement. For the curious, if I were to pick a label gun to my head, I’d say I’m a sapiosexual bisexual lesbian, lemme see you come up with one judgemental label for that!

Labels defining sexuality 

Heterosexual (Straight) – Person attracted to members of the opposite sex usually those complying with the typical gender stereotypes.

Homosexual (Gay) – Person attracted towards members of the same sex

Bisexual – Person attracted to members of both sexes

Asexual – Person lacking attraction of a sexual nature towards others

Polysexual – Person attracted sexually to more than one gender; unlike bisexual which assumes only two sexes based on gender stereotypes

Pansexual – Person universally attracted to all people regardless of gender.

Pro Life, Still a Feminist

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Someone recently told me I couldn’t be a feminist if I was anti abortion. It made me furious and I could barely listen to her weak argument without snapping.  Feminists have a bad enough name as it is without such IQ challenged characters walking around claiming membership. She said that abortion was a reproductive health right for women. Excuse me in what universe is murder a right? Gimme a second to calm down so that I don’t end up ranting instead of informing Pro Choice feminists.

Reproductive health rights means access to contraceptives and information on correct use and side effects. Our pro choice sisters get by on the claim of bodily autonomy, nobody can claim a right to your body that goes above your own right. I agree, we have final jurisdiction over our bodies. They further argue that a foetus must survive on a woman’s body and therefore a woman has the right to withdraw her consent and body at anytime. This is where I try and hide contempt from clouding my eyes and mind. Did your mother birth and educate you so you could speak such vile filth? To argue bodily autonomy would exonerate not only abortionists but any woman who endangers her child between 0-18 years when they are legally dependent.

What pro-choice people conveniently choose to ignore is that they’ve had nothing but choices from the very start. They had a choice of getting on contraception plan before they had a choice to engage in unprotected sex. They further had a choice of several other post intercourse contraceptives after the deed. The choice to do nothing until they got pregnant was theirs all the way. When they finally get someone else involved is when they start crying ‘we can’t be forced to donate our organs and blood.’ Newsflash it was your choice, in fact it would seem to be exactly what you wanted. The number one cause of abortion is selfishness.

What about rape victims a feminist might ask? I’m sorry if this comes across harsh, but was it the budding life inside you that violated you? It would seem a victim of circumstances just like you and victimizing it does not put much moral distance between you and the animal that took away your choice.

Remember Baby Malaika who was saved from certain death after her mother (currently serving a jail term) threw her in the bushes to be devoured by wild animals? How about the woman who called Classic 105FM breakfast show and confessed to countless abortions? “Ata hii mwaka nimejaribu nimefanya mbili tu. Miaka ingine mi hufanya ata tano.” She said nonchalantly in Swahili. Her words are etched in memory, having snuffed out more than thirty lives and couldn’t give a damn. In my opinion Baby Malaika’s seemingly heartless mother stands on a higher moral pedestal than abortion activists; at least she gave her a chance (no matter how slim) to battle it out against the elements.

Note I am not condemning vulnerable young ladies who in a moment of weakness made a regrettable decision, only those who say it is not only okay but a right. Abortion is not just another means of contraception and to spread such a school of thought is plain evil.

This feminist is and will forever remain anti abortion, I dare someone else to call me a traitor to my gender for that.

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